Had you been Mary Tutas Feyen, you might have come across as cranky and stern too, and understandably so. Her father died in a farming accident two months before her birth in Poland in 1891; and when she was born, her mother died. When Mary was 8, the grandmother who had taken her in died, so she was sent to live with an aunt. After four years, her aunt said the family did not have enough money to feed an extra person, but she had set aside enough money to get Mary on a train and then on a ship so that she could sail to the United States as a refugee. Mary’s older cousin was supposed to accompany her on the train, but when two young men showed interest in the cousin, she got off the train with them, taking the money and train tickets. As the conductor made his way through the train to check tickets, a man told Mary to crawl under his seat, and he hid her with his coat.
Somehow Mary made it onto a ship (how she accomplished that remains unclear) and arrived in New York, an illiterate 13-year-old with no money and speaking only Polish. Her instructions were to go to a certain address where refugees would be assigned to homes to do cleaning, cooking, laundry, or childcare. Mary was given a cooking and cleaning job, but she was punished frequently at first because she often misunderstood the English instructions. During the next few years, not only did she learn English and learn to read and write, she also came to know Jesus as her Savior. Of those first 19 difficult years of her life, she said that it was worth it all because she would never have known her Lord if she had not gone through those trials.
In 1920, at the age of 28, Mary married Stanislaw Tutas in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, but four years later, he contracted tuberculosis. A doctor told Mary that he would allow her to care for Stanislaw at home only if no children were there, so she underwent surgery to prevent any possible future pregnancies and then brought Stanislaw home. She cared for him for 13 years until he passed away. Due to his illness and expenses, they lost the farm they had purchased when they married.
Mary cleaned homes and did laundry to provide for her needs, and about a year after Stanislaw died, she married Reinhardt Feyen, a widower. He had a good job, and they were able to purchase a home and build up a savings account until, after 10 years of marriage, Reinhardt was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Mary nursed him for 7 years while their daily and medical expenses ate up all their savings, and she took out a mortgage on their house just to pay the bills. Two weeks before his death, Mary had to have surgery. She was supposed to remain off her feet for several weeks, but she returned home after just one week to care for Reinhardt.
All this tragedy and loneliness and physical need manifested itself in a gruff, cranky demeanor. Some fellow church members even advised newcomers not to get involved with Mary because she was sharp with her words and a crabby little old lady! But if that was all you knew of her, you missed truly getting to know Mary and her servant’s heart.
Seeing the need for a church in her area, Mary cleaned up a filthy room in a store’s basement, and a church began meeting there. When the church had severe financial struggles, she took out a loan on her life insurance policy to cover the needs. As the church grew, she encouraged the church board to purchase a vacant parcel of land. After the parcel was purchased, men from the church had workdays to help with the church’s construction. Each workday, Mary prepared a noon meal at her own expense for the men and helped paint and clean.
She regularly brought 11 children in her car to church (no seat belts required then!). When she noticed needy children at church, she bought them clothes and knit mittens and hats. She was not afraid to scold children who were squirmy or talkative during a church service, but she would slip them a roll of Lifesavers or a pack of gum after scolding them. Even when her only income was from Social Security, she gave at least half of her income to her church and various other religious organizations. As she shook hands with visiting speakers and missionaries, she often left $20 bills in their hands. At her death, she willed her home and its contents to the church.
Mary Feyen’s life encourages us to look beyond the outside and first appearances. Those who worked to get to know her, saw her for what she truly was—a servant who was greatly used by God.
For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7
*Thank you to Alice Warner, whose telling of the story of her friend Mary, helped pass the hours as we traveled across Nebraska on Highway 80 a few summers ago.
