Living for what counts.
Isn’t that what we all want for our kids?
In Ephesians 4, Paul urges believers to “live worthy of the calling” they have received.
This comes just a moment after his prayer that they would be deeply rooted and firmly established in love. That they would comprehend the “length and width, height and depth” of God’s love. And “to know Christ’s love surpasses knowledge.” (Ephesians 3:17-19)
For so much of my life I believed that to “live worthy” meant to live perfectly, to be a 4.0 Honor Student Christian that Jesus was proud to call His own. But based on Ephesians I think I had it wrong.
The precursor to the call to live worthy is a lengthy description of how deeply loved we are. Living worthy of God’s call on our lives has less to do with our actions, and more to do with our identity as beloved by Him.
To call something beloved means to take pleasure in and prize above all else. It means to be unwilling to abandon. Jesus takes pleasure in who you are, in your very existence. He says He prizes you above all else. He is unwilling to abandon you and proved it by leaving His throne in heaven to rescue you.
When we are living daily in that reality, that identity, it changes everything about the way we live. We can stop striving to earn love, we can forgive offenses against us, we can live in confidence that even when we fail, we are still seen and known and loved and never beyond the reach of God’s grace and mercy.
So what does that have to do with raising our kids?
When my son, Henry, was three he wanted to grow up to be a mama. He carried his teddy bears around in makeshift baby wraps. He fed his stuffed piggy cheerios as he ate breakfast. He laid his hot wheels down for a nap in the afternoon.
He saw what I was modeling and copied it.
Now that he’s twelve he doesn’t so much want to be a mama, but he still sees and mimics the way I’m living. All my kids do.
When I’m short-fused and snippy, so are they.
When I’m hyped and having a dance party in the kitchen, they jump in.
When I’m frazzled and rushing; well, I think they suddenly start moving in slow motion.
If I wake up every day with the joy and confidence of one who is beloved by God, my children will see that. They will learn how to put that into practice. They will copy my gentleness, my trust in His goodness, my tender heart, my soft answers.
As they become like us, they become like Him.
A child who knows they are beloved, not just by their parents, but by the Creator of the universe, is going to live a worthy life–a life filled with imperfections that point back to God’s enduring patience. A life that has thick skin and a soft heart so they don’t hold onto bitterness. A life that puts others first because they know God is going to meet their needs.
I don’t want to raise a crowd of little Pharisees who aced AWANA, saved sex for marriage, and never said a swear word, but had a heart that was prideful and arrogant and operating out of shame.
Living for what counts doesn’t mean a white-washed exterior of checked “Christian” boxes. It means a heart that is transformed. It means a life full of love that sends a message of hope to a hurting world.
If our kids don’t know the deep, deep love of their Father, their lives will be hollow of meaning.
It starts with us. It starts with how we are modeling life as a beloved child of God.
Rest in His enduring love.
Unclench your fist from the lie that you’ve got to get it all right all the time.
For your kids, put less value on the report card and more on their character.
Memorize a verse for joy rather than for “word perfect”.
Blast some music and dance like nobody’s watching.
Worry less about getting it right and let yourself have fun.
When we are near God, when we are basking in His love, His desires become ours. We don’t have to work hard to align with him. The pressure is off.
It’s true for you and it’s true for your kids.
May we all live worthy.
Grace + Peace.
Taking it further:
Do you see yourself as beloved?
Do you recognize the depth of God’s love for you?
Do you find more value in what you can produce than in Who you belong to?