“You are not the boss of me!” With each tiny fist planted firmly on her hips, her toys strewn all over the kitchen floor, my daughter’s brows were furrowed and she was ready for battle: the battle of the wills.
Over the years, the details of this story have evaded me, so I’m not sure exactly what I said, but I know what I was thinking in response: “Oh yes, I am!”
We’ve chuckled over the years about this one as my daughter has grown up, but that picture of her standing in front of the toys I had just told her to pick up, her determination to defy me, is very strong in my mind because I can relate to it so well.
Dr. James Dobson’s book The Strong-Willed Child was published the year after I was born, but it has remained a part of parenting conversations my whole life. The premise behind his book was that some children are more strong-willed and defiant than others, and the book gives tips on how to lovingly, but firmly, parent this kind of a child.
What makes me chuckle about this book is that though some of us may have a stronger tendency outwardly to defy authority and seek our own way, deep-down we all are strong-willed children.
As a child I would not have fit the description in Dobson’s book; I’m too much of a people-pleaser. So is my daughter who stood there with her fists and feet planted. But the older I get, the more I see how at my core I like to have my own way just as much as people with stronger temperaments. I like my own way in what I eat for breakfast, in what order I take a bite of each item, in how I like my tea steeped for only so long with just a trickle of milk….you get my drift.
I think this tendency towards self-will is one of the reasons that Jesus included this phrase in the prayer He taught His disciples to pray: “Your will be done.”
It is ingrained in us to want our way first, and this press toward self-will happened even before God spoke this world into existence. The most beautiful of all the angels said these words in his heart as recorded in Isaiah 14:13-14: “…I will ascend to heaven…I will set my throne on high; I will sit on the mount of the assembly…I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.” (emphasis mine). I wonder if his fists and feet were planted when he said this?
That’s scary. Like the Devil who defied God, I have my list of “I will’s”. I will eat my favorite breakfast foods. I will prepare my tea just the way I like it. I will make the person in the church see that they are wrong about my husband. I will make my children obey. I will convince that lady in my congregation that my advice on her upcoming decision is best. I will… I will… I will….
When life flattens you, and all the things you thought you’d be doing in life, marriage or ministry shatter around you, suddenly you realize how much you wanted your own will over His. That is when we realize how much we need to grow in worship in order to be true citizens of His kingdom.
When we worship in submission and full surrender, then we can be lifted up. It is when we say “your will be done” that we can see His kingdom come. Instead of standing with our hands planted on our hips, saying “You are not the boss of me!”, we are on our knees praising Him for being the One who knows all, the One Whom we can fully trust with every thought, every fear, every circumstance in our lives.
The beauty of this is that God doesn’t stretch out His scepter of authority and keep us there by His own will. No, He waits for us to put ourselves there. Then He lifts us up, calls us His children and gives us the grace to walk confidently as His kingdom representatives in the world.
Our problem: we like to skip the on-your-knees step and go right to the exalting. Peter says if we humble ourselves in His sight, He will exalt us (I Peter 5:5-7). Peter knows from experience. He was humbled possibly more than any other man, denying Christ right at the cusp of His most lonely moment on earth. And yet…after He arose, Jesus graciously lifted Peter up to stand in confidence of this very truth: those who say “Your will be done” get to know the glory of kingdom come.
For a number of years in our time as pastor and wife, things just didn’t go like we planned. That was when I learned how strong-willed I really am, too. I wanted my will to be done in our church in the worst way, and God didn’t let me have it. But what I did learn is that submitting to His will was best because He had a different plan in mind. I just had to wait to see the glory.
Then I was able to see that it was better all along to let Him be the boss of me.
God, give me the courage to fall every day on my knees before you, and then stand up in faith that You will use me for your kingdom and your glory. Come Soon, Lord Jesus!
Taking It Further:
What about you? What about God’s will for your life are you currently chafing under? How can you find peace and joy in surrender, in saying “Your kingdom come. Your will be done”?
Resources:
Dobson, James C. The Strong Willed Child: Birth Through Adolescence. Tyndale., 1978